Five Shades of Gray Lesson #4 (Junior High Edition)

Posted: March 12, 2014 by Brandon Fisher in Five Shades of Gray Lessons
Tags: , , , ,

This lesson on pornography is an abbreviated version for Junior High:Screen Shot 2014-02-16 at 10.08.53 PM

Keystone Youth Ministry

Five Shades of Gray—Biblical Wisdom & Culture’s Blurred Lines

Week #4

3.914 & 3.12.14


Purpose:  Apply the truth of the gospel to areas of life where the Bible doesn’t speak or the world doesn’t listen.


Week 4:  NSFL—Pornography & the Sexualization of America

  • Date:  3.9.14 & 3.12.14
  • Purpose:  Warn youth of the dangers of sexual expression outside of marriage.
  • Main Points:
    • We live in a super sex-saturated world.
    • Sex is a covenant good, not consumer good.
    • Pornography is an addictive poison.
    • Christians fight porn with a superior pleasure.
    • Hope—The cross proves God loves us & commands what’s best for us.

What is porn?

  • Simply:  Sex outside of the confines of marriage.
  • Specifically:  Videos, pictures, writing, and fantasies that people use to experience sex outside of marriage.
    • I’m calling something porn if it makes you think sexual thoughts.
    • This includes videos and pictures of naked people; magazines, music, & books that describe sex; immodest pictures of you on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat.
    • If it causes you to think about sex outside of marriage—I’m calling it porn from the greek word, porneia.
    • Caveat:  This is a dangerous lesson because I may mention things that you don’t know of, and it might tempt you to look it up online.
      • This is the absolute WORST idea.
      • If you don’t know something, ask me.  Or a youth worker.
      • Do it in private if you’re embarrassed that you don’t know.
      • None of us leaders are going to be shocked if you don’t know…it’s actually a good thing.
      • It’s a problem, so I have to talk about it.


The Pervasiveness of Porn:  We live in a super sex-saturated world.

  • Statistics:
    • 90% of children 8-16 have viewed pornography.
    • The largest consumer of pornography are boys ages 12-17.
    • 70% of men ages 18-34 view pornography on a monthly basis.
    • 1 in 6 women are addicted to pornography.
    • Porn is a $93 billion industry worldwide.
      • MLB is $9 billion, NFL is $9 billion, & NBA is $5 billion.
      • US spends $23 billion in foreign aid.
      • US alone spends more on porn that the country of Jamaica makes in a year ($17 billion)
      • The Three Deadly As…Accessibility, Anonymity, and Affordability.
        • There was a day when it was nearly impossible to find pornography—not very accessible, anonymous, or affordable.
        • Then magazines started to make their way behind store counters—a little more accessible, little more anonymous, and a little more affordable.
        • Now the internet happened—simple accessibility, total anonymity, absolutely affordable.
        • Porn is the new sex ed.
          • Curious kids can ask google and get flooded with images, videos, articles.
          • Unfortunately the education that people get from watching porn is the farthest things from reality.
          • Guys will watch porn, think something is normal, and then try to replicate it in real life.
          • Porn is the new fashion sense.
            • Guys see how girls dress in porn & like it.
            • Designers convince girls that if they dressed like a porn star then guys will like them.
            • Porn is the new form of entertainment.
              • Sexual content and the number of nude scenes in television and movies is always on the rise.
              • Advertisements and music videos continually push the envelope as far as what can get shown.
              • Generally, the world’s definition of sex  & our bodies are just physical things.
                • If you’ve got it, flaunt it.
                • Sex is just a desire we have like hunger…so it’d be wrong to deprive it.
                • It’s just about pleasure—if it feels good, do it.
                • As long as people are willing, go for it.
                • But the Bible has a higher view of sex than that!
                  • Rather than just giving you the rules of what to do and what not to do, I want to show you why sex is a good thing and why sex outside of a covenant is a bad thing.


What does the Bible have to say?


1 Corinthians 6:12-20

12 You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. 13 You say, “Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies. 14 And God will raise us from the dead by his power, just as he raised our Lord from the dead.


15 Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! 16 And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” 17 But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.


18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.


The Purpose of Sex:  Sex is a covenant good, not a consumer good.

  • In the garden of Eden we see God invite the man to leave his father and mother and be united to his wife.
    • And we said that when the two become one, they become echad, one flesh.
    • The two give ALL of themselves to each other—remember we said marriage is about GIVING.
    • Sex is the like a visible symbol of what’s happening between a man and a women.
    • They are giving themselves fully to each other emotionally & socially.
    • They’re being completely open and vulnerable with each other about their hopes, dreams, fears, wounds—they are known fully.
    • That’s why the Bible sometimes uses the word know in a funny way—Adam and Eve KNEW each other…wink wink.
    • Sex between a husband and his wife is the physical act of what they are doing at a deeper level—revealing themselves, being vulnerable and exposed.
    • But this is a safe thing to do when you’re in a covenant—an unending promised relationship.
    • This passage in 1 Corinthians says that sex outside of marriage (porn) is wrong because it’s connecting you physically to someone who you are not connected otherwise.
      • Sex wasn’t created for relationships outside of the covenant of marriage because sex makes you ONE—echad—with that other person.
      • Until you’re married, until you’re ready to become one with someone, you’re not ready for sex.
      • When you engage in porn, you are saying, I want to be naked together physically, but I don’t want to be naked with you emotionally.
      • When you engage in sex outside of marriage, you are saying, I want to touch your body, but I don’t want to touch your heart or your mind.
      • I want to give myself to you sexually, but I don’t want to give myself to you relationally.
      • I want to don’t really want to give all of myself to you…I just want to take the parts I want.
      • In this way, you’re treating sex like a consumer good, rather than a covenant good.
        • There’s a big difference between a consumer relationship and a covenant relationship.
        • In a consumer relationship…I’m always looking for a better deal.
        • I like to get cappuccinos from Square One Coffee in Lancaster City.
        • I’m there a lot, and I spend quite a bit of money in that relationship.
        • But if another coffee shop opens up with better coffee at a lower price…peace out Square One.
        • I’m not in a committed covenant relationship with Square One…It’s a consumer relationship.
        • When we treat our bodies and our sexuality like a consumer good we are going to always be looking for someone who can give it to us better, more frequent, with less work.
        • But the Bible says, that’s not what sex was created for!
          • Motorcycle Analogy—Motorcycles get hot.
          • But what would happen if I used my motorcycle to heat my house?
          • I’d get sick from fumes and cold from a lack of heat.
          • If I use my motorcycle for things it wasn’t created for, I should expect to experience bad results!
          • Whenever we take good things from God and use them ways that he didn’t create, we experience bad things from God’s good gifts.
            • The Bible says that we should RUN from porn because of its bad results.
            • In order to get you to RUN away from porn I need to do two things:
            • One, I need to show you the pains of porn.
            • Two, I need to show you the pleasures of God.


The Pains of Porn:  Porn is an addictive poison.

  • Porn wrecks your view of sex & our bodies.
    • Sex in porn is not real sex.
    • Porn is full of lies about men, women, relationships, and what’s normal.
    • Porn wrecks guy’s view of women.
      • Porn encourages men to treat women as objects…just bodies.
      • Then in real life, guys find out that girls have minds, souls, and needs.
      • Because they’ve created an understanding of women in their head of just being body to give pleasure whenever they want, they are unprepared to handle a REAL relationship!
      • Porn wrecks girl’s view of women.
        • Porn tells girls that the only way to be accepted or validated is by being “hot” and doing stuff sexually.
        • Porn tells girls that if you want to be loved by your guy, you need to have a fake body, no personality, no mind, no opinion—just a cheap body.
        • The result is all kinds of insecurity, body-hatred, eating disorders, depression, and all of the side effects of sex outside of marriage:  disease, unwanted pregnancy, abortion, and then repeat the cycle.
        • Porn weakens your relationship to God.
          • The constant guilt and shame that accompany porn keeps you from God.
          • You run away and hide and try to clean yourself before coming back.
          • You forget the gospel of grace and forget your salvation by faith.
          • And that hurts your relationship with God.
          • Porn weakens your service to God.
            • Satan  uses that guilt and shame to whisper lies to you.
            • He’ll say you’re not good enough to serve God.
            • That God doesn’t love you or want your service.
            • You won’t think you’re good enough to serve or lead.
            • You don’t want anyone to find out.
            • Porn is an addictive poison that eats away at you from the inside out.
              • If you could step back or fast forward to look to see how porn was ruining your life, you’d be upset.
              • You may not see the harmful effects now…but they’re there, and it’s just a matter of time until they expose themselves.
              • But the thing about addictions is that you regardless of how much you might want to quit, there’s still a temptation to go back.
              • It’s not enough to know about the pains of porn.
              • You need to not just run away from sin…you need to run to something better.


Christians fight porn (and all sin) with a superior pleasure.

  • Porn (sex outside of marriage) promises to deliver happiness.
    • But it never actually delivers.
    • Sin makes promises that it can’t keep.
    • God always delivers on his promises.
    • How do you feel after using sex?
      • Dirty?  Guilty?  Ashamed?  Embarrassed?
      • Scared—maybe that you’re pregnant or that someone will find out?
      • Worried about your reputation?
      • Trapped in a relationship that you’ve gone too far in?
      • God doesn’t want you to experience those things!
        • He wants you to be happy!
        • He wants you to walk in confidence!
        • He wants you to serve unashamedly!
        • When the Bible says that relationships are better when you’re not using sex as a consumer good, then it is.
          • You have to fight to believe it!
          • That’s what faith is…trusting in something you don’t know is true.
          • But you have to see how it really is better!


So What?

  • Believe that porn is a problem.
    • Stop pretending that a little sex outside of marriage isn’t going to hurt you.
    • Consider all of the ways that porn disappoints and hurts you.
    • Remind yourself of the ugliness of porn.
    • Believe that God loves you enough to command what’s best for you.
      • God’s laws and commands are not because he’s trying to ruin your fun, he’s trying to protect you and lead you into great pleasure.
      • Remind yourself of how good God has been to you.
      • Stop using sex outside of marriage to make you happy.
        • Ladies…stop using your sexuality to attract guys.
          • When you dress to show off your goods, it’s false advertsing!
          • When you show guys your body but aren’t ready to show him your life, you’re using him or he’s using you.
  • Guys…starve the wolf of porn and feed the wolf of righteousness.
    • You don’t starve your appetite for porn by undressing girls in your mind or by looking at naked girls online.
    • The starving wolf will lose its power.
    • Put it to death!
    • Get help!
      • This is not something you can fight alone.
      • In some way or another, everyone in here, EVERYONE, is dealing with the effects of porn in the world.
      • None of your leaders is going to be shocked if you talk to us and tell us what’s going on.
      • I guarantee that I won’t be surprised!
      • Partly because I’ve talked to a lot of you already…it’s not a new things.
      • Partly because porn was my story in late junior high and early senior high.
      • I know its effects, personally.
      • I know it’s pains.
      • And I know the healing that comes when it stops being a secret, and you have someone help you.
      • Freedom is possible!
      • But it means you’ll have to fight.
      • And we’ are ready to walk with you toward freedom.



  • Are you using pornography?  Do you want to stop?
  • Why is pornography such a bad thing?
  • What’s so destructive about sex outside of marriage?
  • What are you going to do to keep all forms of sex outside of marriage from ruining your life?



Additional Resources:



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