Conflict Lesson #4

Conflict

Lesson #4

1.29.12

 

Main Ideas:

• Everyone sins.
• Those who sin should apologize and repent.
• Those who are sinned against should rebuke and forgive sinners.

Prove It:  Time Capsule

 

Review

• Hypothetical situation:  While at a friend’s house, a couple of your friends start talking about another one of your friends who isn’t there.  Everyone else is cracking jokes and making fun of him/her.  You chime in an embarrassing story about your friend, and everyone laughs.  A week later, your notice your friend hasn’t said hi or stopped to chat lately.  It turns out, he/she heard what you said.
• Luke 17:3-4—“3Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, 4and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
  • Repent = Confess, Conviction (Contrition), Change, …and Correct
  • Repenting means taking responsibility for your sin, than that means taking steps to correct the mistakes you’ve made.
  • Repenting just isn’t saying you’re sorry, it’s trying to make things right again.

 

Rebuke:

Galatians 6:1—¹Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.

• Confront:  Get courageous
  • Don’t be a coward.
  • Don’t avoid them.
  • Don’t run away.
  • Privately.
  • Talk to them, not about them.
  • Bring water, not gas.
• Call them out.
  • Humbly.
  • Tell them how their actions have hurt you.
  • Speak truth, in love.
  • I love you, but this is sin.

 

Forgive:

• Show grace:  Charizomai
  • You choose to treat someone better than they deserve.
    • They deserve to be treated on way because of their sin.
    • You choose to show them grace and show them favor.
  • When you sin against God, you deserve the punishment for your sin, which is death.
    • When God forgives you, he chooses to show you grace, and sent Jesus to die in your place.
    • You don’t deserve that—it’s grace.
  • When your friend sins against you, they deserve punishment.
    • They might deserve to be slapped.
    • They might deserve to get embarrassed.
    • But when you forgive them, you choose not to treat them as their sins deserve.
    • You show them grace.
• Let it go:  Apheimi
  • We sometimes like to hold on to other  people’s sins.
  • It’s nice to know other’s mess up.
  • It’s nice to have someone’s mistake in our back pocket.
    • That way if people ever start to criticize me, I have a way to divert attention off me and on to someone else.  “Oh yeah, well did you know…”
    • And if you have find yourself in a position where you may have to hurt them in order to get what you want, you can justify yourself by saying, “It’s okay, at least I didn’t…”
  • We call them grudges…people hold on to grudges because they think they make them feel better.
    • When we hold on to a grudge, we think about how we can get them back, and it gives us some pleasure.
    • Or it makes us feel better about ourselves because we constantly remember all the bad stuff that people have done to us so we feel superior by saying, “I would NEVER…”
  • To forgive means to let go of that grudge.
    • You let go of your desire to get revenge.
    • You let go of feeling superior to them.
  • You’ll be tempted to pick up that grudge.
    • Even if you’ve let it go before, you’ll want to pick it back up.
• Forgive & Forget is Foolish
  • You’ll be reminded.
  • Choose to continually forgive…over and over and over.
  • Don’t live life under that weight.

 

Matthew 18:21-35

²¹Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” ²²Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.

 

²³“Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. ²⁴When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. ²⁵And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. ²⁶So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ ²⁷And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. ²⁸But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ ²⁹So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ ³⁰He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. ³¹When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. ³²Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. ³³And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ ³⁴And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. ³⁵So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

 

What’s at Stake?

• Your relationship
  • Choosing to forgive is a necessity if you ever want to be in a relationship.
  • The closer you are to someone, the more you’re going to see their flaws.
  • The more time you spent around someone else, the more you’re going to hurt them…and be hurt by them.
  • If you can’t forgive, your relationship will fall apart.
    • You’ll get angry, frustrated, exasperated, annoyed quicker and quicker.
• Your Joy
  • When you don’t forgive, when you hold on to that grudge, you become a bitter person.
  • You think the world is against you—nothing ever happens the way it should.
  • You’re always disappointed.
  • Nothing is ever good enough.
  • You’re miserable.
  • Go on Facebook tonight, you’ll find a lot of bitter people.
    • These are people who haven’t been able to show grace or give forgiveness.
• Your soul
  • An unforgiving heart is a sign that you haven’t been forgiven.
  • People who have been forgiven greatly should be more likely to forgive someone else.

 

The Power to Forgive:

• Jesus paid the penalty for every sin of Christians.
  • You’re able to forgive others because Jesus died on the cross.
  • If you’re a Christian, he forgave you.  And it cost him.
  • Forgiveness is always costly.
    • Though grace is free for the person who receives it, it is costly for the one who gives it.
  • God has shown you incredible grace, and wants you to be a faithful servant by showing others grace.
    • Your ability to forgive others can help give people a taste of what God’s forgiveness is like.
• God will demand justice for everyone whose sins have not been paid for.
  • You can have a peace, that though you may not “get justice” now, some day all unsettled debts will be settled.
  • And those who haven’t had their sins forgiven by Jesus will pay for their sins in hell.

 

Affinity Groups:

• What do you think is easier, Repenting, Rebuking, or Forgiving?
  • Which is harder?
• Why do you choose not to rebuke?
• Do you think it’s easier to forgive stranger or friends?
• What factors make it more difficult to forgive?
• How would you convince a friend of the importance of forgiveness?
• Why do Christians have an advantage when it comes to forgiveness?